Friday, December 4, 2009

Life As Fantasy

We all need some fantasy in life. If you don't have some fantasy, what is there to go on for? Whatever fantasy that may be. I want to be active in some form of fantasy life. Too much reality doesn't make for a very happy existence. I want to change the world, want to help people, want to make some sort of difference some how. The question is how? How can I do this when I can't even get my own life in order? I will bake cookies. I will decorate. I will create warmth and glow in this little home of ours. I want to have love. A love that shows in the depths of what I do, in addition to the surface to be sure. I want to be surrounded by love and warmth during this very cold time. How does one begin to do this?

The other day while out with a friend, we enjoyed dinner, then walked about the bookstore. At the checkout, the cashier asked if we would like to donate a book to a child. I thought it was a wonderful idea. I realize a book will not put food on a table, nor will it make life easier, but maybe it will brighten a day. It was nice, I want more of this. And some where, we will find out how to make more of this happen. I will make dinner, and we'll enjoy the company of someone who might otherwise not have some place to go on Christmas. We'll have a leftovers party, like at Thanksgiving. Enjoy the company of family and friends once more. I will watch a movie, something that warms the heart.

Something outside of the everyday norm of life, that is reality. I want to believe in the beautiful, all encompassing dreams of children. Where candy is good and being outside to play with friends is a treat. Lounging on the beach, walking through the forest, something.. anything that can take me away from this now, at least for a little while. Until I can figure out how to make the feeling of those things reality. Or utilize the feeling that comes from these things. I will pick up my son, and we will dance, and sing, and laugh. Mostly, we'll laugh.

His smile is enough. And I love him.