Fractured Spirit

So tiring this business of being tired. It is a truly dark time feeling worthless. Of no use, no consequence. Like not one life touched by your presence or as if you disappeared would have left no mark on life. One person is insignificant in the scheme of all of life, but that one person should have value and virtue. Having touched someone in some way grander than just a stranger passing by. At some point we are all strangers but some how we do bridge the gap to, in some cases, become more than indifferent drifter. Affecting some change in acquaintance growing into something more bonding. Some how we all have that innate need to be understood by another human being. Someone with whom we share an understanding of self, where acceptance and approval can more strongly bound each soul to the other. No matter the outwardly displays of indifference at non-acceptance, there is an inward desire for greater understanding if not hope for approval. There are certain connections that are made throughout life and of those you'd accept nothing less than all of these. And when it doesn't come, what is left of that bond that once was? How does worth get rebuilt? When does something get made of nothing? And how does a million pieces become one again? In the darkness, the answers do not come.

Wanting to move forward

After a slightly successful trip to IKEA today, I feel as though I want to get back into the swing of things. I want to start on all the projects I've been meaning to do, but have been putting off. I want to paint, put together my keepsakes, I want to rearrange and clean up. I want to build my new spice rack and put everything away. Well, shelf system really, but it should do the job just fine. And I'd like to set up my new drawers for my creative goodies to finally be put in their own special place! We'll see what tomorrow brings. Hopefully tonight brings peaceful, restful, sleep for all of you.

Sweet Dreams!

It's time for bed

I am so sleepy it isn't even funny. I want so much to make progress on all my sites, but I just can't do it! I need to get to bed, the baby is still awake!?!? What now? Okay, that's it, definitely time for sleep. Hope everyone is having a wonderful night and gets some good sleep!

Take care all, and sweet dreams!

Searching for Inspiration

In a place where there is primarily stress and frustration, it is hard to visualize yourself anywhere but being smothered by your circumstance. I am taking baby steps to attempt to break out of the nastiness that is my mood. Look out magazines, I am armed with my scissors and I'm not afraid to use them. Be it a recipe, photograph, great article, silly drawing, I'm clippin' it, and it is getting filed for later use.

Moving along

Took some time today to get more of my recipe/cooking blog underway. Finally feel like that has taken an upward turn since it's creation. Cooked a little today trying to get back some of the creative culinary mojo back. Griped about how MESSED UP people can be, and how they can be so blatantly blind to it. I am saddened that these are my people! And as much as I can, and have tried, to remedy what little of the situation I possibly can, ultimately it is not up to me to fix the problems of these poor people. I have no idea where the "give up" line is or should be drawn. But I remain, even if only for support after all, it's what we do. My hope is that someone comes to their senses before it is too late.

Wishing everyone peace and serenity!

When now is just not fast enough..

Sometimes, for just a little peace, some serenity, some calm.. even to get it right this very moment, seems an eternity to have to wait. It can come exactly when you ask for it.. but it some how feels you've been waiting forever and even when it does become available, for some reason I find I am so wound up in whatever the stress and tension is, that I can't even enjoy it until the moment is almost gone! I wish there was a wand to just *POOF* whatever the problem is away. Not necessarily forever, just so I can gather myself for those precious few mirco-moments to FEEL BETTER! To be better equipped to handle whatever the current situation. I guess, for some people, they call those BLACKOUT moments, where do I sign up for this? Because if I have a blackout moment, it's one of anger, rage, and out right fury. I don't need this. I want micro-euphoria moments.

Someone help me make it happen!

A Little Rain Must Fall..

As true with anything, a little rain must fall. I slept well last night once the rain started. It was so nice, the sound of rain is peaceful and soothing. A sound we don't get much of here in sunny southern California. Walking out to the car while the clouds were sprinkling droplets over everything was a pleasant change of pace. The lake building on the road right in front of our home is slightly disturbing. But hopefully, this will be a good opportunity to paint my "newly" makeshift computer/creative niche. About to begin painting, as a break to the desperately needed cleaning and redecorating that's been taking place.

More updates soon..

Little Things..

Sometimes life is just overwhelming! Too many things to do, too little time. I completely missed the end of last year and have been completely unaware of this new year that is already going on month 2! It seems to me that it is time for a change. More bubble baths, painted my nails AND toenails.. imagine that?! Thanks to kindness of our friends our home has been given a little bit of a new look and feel. Slowly, with some of these little changes, things are starting to feel a little more OURS. Off to a very rocky start this year, let us hope it moves up from here!

Regards!