To Whom It May Concern..

How much does one have to be broken to get some help to be made whole again? When do the tides turn and the favors get returned? Why is it that with knowledge of this pain, with pleas for help, with tears and heartache does it not affect you? How is it that there once was so much love and compassion shared, that now in my darkest of hours you are not there? I am not questioning God, in the event someone was wondering... How do I go on? As friends we are supposed to lift each other when we cannot make it on our own. As family we are to support each other when there is no strength left. When one is broken the other is supposed to be there to mend the pieces. I spend my days doing this. It used to be us doing it together, is this what it was supposed to be? Yeah, I know it never is, but if that's the case, then what's the point? You can't even give up a few minutes of sleep to reach out? And even if not sleep, a warm hand on my shoulder for comfort? No, I think we are too content in our ways. Unwilling to bend, willing to break? So sad that we can come so far, yet have only taken steps backwards. How much loss is too much? How much can one heart take? I can't help myself, but to think of the Craig David song: Walking Away. " I'm walking away, from the troubles in my life, I'm walking away oh to find a better day.." But my question is, which one of us is walking away? We used to walk together..

Sick And Tired...

I am sick and tired of being disrespected! AND in my own house. How is it ok to come into my home and say you are going to take some leftovers, make a huge damn mess and just leave the entire mess for me to deal with?!?!?! WTF. Not to mention ruin hours of my work by disregarding my things in my house? I spend time to bake cupcakes for my husbands birthday, you smash half of them with a box of cookies because you don't give a shit. Then come back after the rest of the good cupcakes get placed in the box, then do it again and ruin the rest? I don't understand. But I am sick and tired of this crap and I would be just fine to have you stay out of my home and life for a while.

Been A While..

It surely has been a while since I've had the energy or desire to post here. Still, here I am, back again to hopefully motivate and get myself going on my blogs again. Started the new years Recipe Swap ( yes, in the beginning of July.. ) I guess we'll see how it goes. After some life changing events ( not the good kind ) I've decided to treat myself better, with any luck I can keep up with the idea and do something decent and good with my life again. Anyway, it has been a great weekend, lots of getting together, hanging out, cooking out. Gotta love that, grillin' and chillin' got to be the way to go on beautiful days like these ( despite the heat ). New food, old friends, good times. Let's hope it continues, updates to follow.

New Idea

I have had a version of this idea for a very long time. While watching Julie & Julia, the idea was realized more fully. As many of you may know, I have several blogs. And while each blog is special and unique to me, I have always had a greater vision, something that would do more than be words/images on the screen. In the movie, she creates a blog with a counter to keep track of how many recipes from Julia Childs book that she has completed. The counter also keeps track of the days left in the year, to keep track of her progress. This is EXACTLY what I want to do. I'd love to even do the recipes however, realistically I know I can't possibly keep up with all the recipes in the right amount of time. Also, I have passions OTHER than cooking, believe it or not! I love photography, travel, and my family which, as it turns out all tend to go together. Even so, I'm not convinced I could keep up with a photo a day, so I've skewed my perspective a bit to incorporate an almost 2 year old son.

Since I have come to terms with my lack of motivation, sad but true, I have derived a way to make my project blog an something attainable yet meaningful. An inspirational blog. The idea is 730 inspirations in 365 days. My idea for an inspirational blog is not exactly what it sounds like. A little background. To the core, I am a hopeless romantic. I look at flowers and smile, clouds, trees, water, children, old people all alike. I am in love with photography, cooking, music, writing, traveling, nature, architecture, technology, the internet, relationships, learning, among other things. So I am proposing an inspirational blog, 730 inspirations from anywhere and everywhere. Hopefully, this can become a photo-journal representation of inspiration. There are SO many inspirational websites that I've seen online. I don't mean that they were meant for that purpose, I found them enchanting for one reason or another. They give me inspiration to do something new, different, or possibly something I've done before and would like to return to.

I hope to achieve a new found purpose. I'd like to do more photography, like to be out in nature more, very much like to travel more. All of these things allow me to do them with my family, so it's just a matter of getting started. However, I have yet to find the type of "counter" for my blog. I am continuing the search, but for now it will just have to be done "old-school" keeping track. Considering we are into March already, and I'm just about to take a trip up to Canada (Calgary, moreover Banff) I am figuring I will start with that trip as my main beginning for the new blog. Perhaps this blog will be a collaborative effort.

Here is to yet another blog! Hope to have it up and running soon and will post the link for all to see!

Happy Girls' Day!

In honor of Girls' Day, I received a tiny silver high heel on a silver chain! How truly suited to me! I can say, for all the times I wished I didn't have to be a girl, some things are so nice. The silver shoe is great for me because it is something I love, don't need, and got anyway. How awesome is it to be a girl when you get things like that?! How truly frivolous and fun, I love it! Some how I find, getting something like this, simple and not outrageous (though some might disagree) is more fun than getting a birthday present.

Wishing all you girls out there, no matter your age, a wonderful Girls' Day! May it be filled of love and tiny silver shoes!

Fractured Spirit

So tiring this business of being tired. It is a truly dark time feeling worthless. Of no use, no consequence. Like not one life touched by your presence or as if you disappeared would have left no mark on life. One person is insignificant in the scheme of all of life, but that one person should have value and virtue. Having touched someone in some way grander than just a stranger passing by. At some point we are all strangers but some how we do bridge the gap to, in some cases, become more than indifferent drifter. Affecting some change in acquaintance growing into something more bonding. Some how we all have that innate need to be understood by another human being. Someone with whom we share an understanding of self, where acceptance and approval can more strongly bound each soul to the other. No matter the outwardly displays of indifference at non-acceptance, there is an inward desire for greater understanding if not hope for approval. There are certain connections that are made throughout life and of those you'd accept nothing less than all of these. And when it doesn't come, what is left of that bond that once was? How does worth get rebuilt? When does something get made of nothing? And how does a million pieces become one again? In the darkness, the answers do not come.

Wanting to move forward

After a slightly successful trip to IKEA today, I feel as though I want to get back into the swing of things. I want to start on all the projects I've been meaning to do, but have been putting off. I want to paint, put together my keepsakes, I want to rearrange and clean up. I want to build my new spice rack and put everything away. Well, shelf system really, but it should do the job just fine. And I'd like to set up my new drawers for my creative goodies to finally be put in their own special place! We'll see what tomorrow brings. Hopefully tonight brings peaceful, restful, sleep for all of you.

Sweet Dreams!

It's time for bed

I am so sleepy it isn't even funny. I want so much to make progress on all my sites, but I just can't do it! I need to get to bed, the baby is still awake!?!? What now? Okay, that's it, definitely time for sleep. Hope everyone is having a wonderful night and gets some good sleep!

Take care all, and sweet dreams!

Searching for Inspiration

In a place where there is primarily stress and frustration, it is hard to visualize yourself anywhere but being smothered by your circumstance. I am taking baby steps to attempt to break out of the nastiness that is my mood. Look out magazines, I am armed with my scissors and I'm not afraid to use them. Be it a recipe, photograph, great article, silly drawing, I'm clippin' it, and it is getting filed for later use.

Moving along

Took some time today to get more of my recipe/cooking blog underway. Finally feel like that has taken an upward turn since it's creation. Cooked a little today trying to get back some of the creative culinary mojo back. Griped about how MESSED UP people can be, and how they can be so blatantly blind to it. I am saddened that these are my people! And as much as I can, and have tried, to remedy what little of the situation I possibly can, ultimately it is not up to me to fix the problems of these poor people. I have no idea where the "give up" line is or should be drawn. But I remain, even if only for support after all, it's what we do. My hope is that someone comes to their senses before it is too late.

Wishing everyone peace and serenity!

When now is just not fast enough..

Sometimes, for just a little peace, some serenity, some calm.. even to get it right this very moment, seems an eternity to have to wait. It can come exactly when you ask for it.. but it some how feels you've been waiting forever and even when it does become available, for some reason I find I am so wound up in whatever the stress and tension is, that I can't even enjoy it until the moment is almost gone! I wish there was a wand to just *POOF* whatever the problem is away. Not necessarily forever, just so I can gather myself for those precious few mirco-moments to FEEL BETTER! To be better equipped to handle whatever the current situation. I guess, for some people, they call those BLACKOUT moments, where do I sign up for this? Because if I have a blackout moment, it's one of anger, rage, and out right fury. I don't need this. I want micro-euphoria moments.

Someone help me make it happen!

A Little Rain Must Fall..

As true with anything, a little rain must fall. I slept well last night once the rain started. It was so nice, the sound of rain is peaceful and soothing. A sound we don't get much of here in sunny southern California. Walking out to the car while the clouds were sprinkling droplets over everything was a pleasant change of pace. The lake building on the road right in front of our home is slightly disturbing. But hopefully, this will be a good opportunity to paint my "newly" makeshift computer/creative niche. About to begin painting, as a break to the desperately needed cleaning and redecorating that's been taking place.

More updates soon..

Little Things..

Sometimes life is just overwhelming! Too many things to do, too little time. I completely missed the end of last year and have been completely unaware of this new year that is already going on month 2! It seems to me that it is time for a change. More bubble baths, painted my nails AND toenails.. imagine that?! Thanks to kindness of our friends our home has been given a little bit of a new look and feel. Slowly, with some of these little changes, things are starting to feel a little more OURS. Off to a very rocky start this year, let us hope it moves up from here!

Regards!